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Random Joke Thread


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I think I'm right in saying that there isn't a joke thread, correct me if I'm wrong.

So post your jokes here!!

 

 

 

I have a few pretty random ones to start off with

 

"A duck walks into a bar, the bartender says, "What'll it be?" The duck doesn't say anything because its a duck." :mellow:

 

"What would George Washington do if he were alive today? Scream and scratch at the top of his coffin."

 

"Three blind mice walk into a pub. They are all unaware of their surroundings, so to derive humor from it would be exploitative." - lol, Bill Bailey

 

"What do you call a man with no arms and no legs water skiing? I dont know, but that sounds like a highly improbable circumstance."

 

They are called anti-jokes by the way lol

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"What would George Washington do if he were alive today? Scream and scratch at the top of his coffin."

I'll post some jokes later on, but I was just thinking: is he scratching at his coffin because he is alive, or just going crazy over what his country has become (for example, he implemented the idea of not getting into foreign affairs).

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I'll post some jokes later on, but I was just thinking: is he scratching at his coffin because he is alive, or just going crazy over what his country has become (for example, he implemented the idea of not getting into foreign affairs).

 

Because he is alive, if he was going to suddenly come alive, he couldn't be anywhere else could he? :P

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  • 2 months later...

Definitions: Winter (noun) - A three month break between women and their razors.

 

To do list: Buy Hannah Montana socks. Step on her face regularly.

 

To do list: Change Facebook name to "No One." Like people's statuses...

 

Tips for success: You are what you eat. Eat skinny people.

 

Tips for success: Never knock, people love being surprised.

 

Definitions: No offense (phrase) - A phrase used to introduce a highly offensive comment.

 

Realized: Osama Bin Laden was the last Horcrux.

 

 

Got to love grouchyrabbit.com :D

 

 

I think this topic might do better in the General section than Games Room, I'll move it there.

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Definitions: Winter (noun) - A three month break between women and their razors.

 

To do list: Change Facebook name to "No One." Like people's statuses...

 

Definitions: No offense (phrase) - A phrase used to introduce a highly offensive comment.

 

hahahahahahahaha!! LOVE THOSE! :rofl:

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A blonde cop stops blonde motorist and asks for her driving license.

 

The Motorist scuffles around in her purse and can't find it. She says to the cop, "I must have left it at home officer."

 

The cop says, "Well, do you have any kind of identification?" The motorist scuffles around in her purse again, and finds a pocket mirror.

 

She looks at it and says to the cop, "All I have is this picture of myself." The cop says, "Let me see it, then." So the blonde motorist gives the mirror to the blonde cop, who looks at it, and replies, "Well, if I had known you were a police officer, I wouldn't have even pulled you over. You can go now."

 

 

A blonde and a redhead went to the bar after work for a drink, and sat on stools watching the 6 O'clock news. A man was shown threatening to jump from the Brooklyn Bridge, and the blonde bet the redhead $50 that he wouldn't jump.

 

Sure enough, he jumped, so the blonde gave the redhead $50. The redhead said,

 

"I can't take this, you're my friend."

 

But the blonde insisted saying,

 

"No. A bet's a bet."

 

Then the redhead said

 

"Listen, I have to tell you that I saw this on the 5 O'clock news, so I can't take your money."

 

The blonde replied

 

"Well, so did I, but I didn't think he would jump again!"

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  • 4 weeks later...

A donkey met a Lada and said: "Hi, car!"

"Hi, donkey," said the Lada.

Then the donkey start crying and the Lada asked why.

"I described you car, you could have described me horse."

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  • 2 months later...

I was in London today and jumped into a black cab. I said, "Waterloo, mate."

 

He said, "The station?"

 

"Well, I'm a bit late for the battle."

 

 

 

 

One of the boys in my English class has bought a Harry Potter replica wand.

 

I find this ironic, as he's dyslexic, and therefore can't spell.

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  • 2 weeks later...

I think I'm right in saying that there isn't a joke thread, correct me if I'm wrong.

So post your jokes here!!

 

 

 

I have a few pretty random ones to start off with

"A duck walks into a bar, the bartender says, "What'll it be?" The duck doesn't say anything because its a duck." :mellow:

 

"What would George Washington do if he were alive today? Scream and scratch at the top of his coffin."

 

"Three blind mice walk into a pub. They are all unaware of their surroundings, so to derive humor from it would be exploitative." - lol, Bill Bailey

 

"What do you call a man with no arms and no legs water skiing? I dont know, but that sounds like a highly improbable circumstance."

 

They are called anti-jokes by the way lol

 

 

A duck walked into a pub and hopped up on a seat at the bar.

The bartender asked him "what'll you have mate?"

And the duck doesnt say anything because its a duck

fail, Joe :P

 

 

 

 

This one's long..

 

A blond, a brunette, and a redhead were trying out for a new NASA experiment on sending women to different planets. First, they called the brunette in and asked her a question.

 

"If you could go to any planet, what planet would you want to go to and why?"

 

After pondering the question she answered, "I would like to go to Mars because it seems so interesting with all the recent news about possible extra terrestrial life on the planet."

 

They said "well okay, thank you." And told her that they would get back to her.

 

Next, the redhead entered the room and the NASA people asked her the same question. In reply, "I would like to go to Saturn to see all of its rings." Again, "thank you" and they would get back to her.

 

Finally, the blond entered the room and they asked her the same question they asked the brunette and the redhead. She thought for a while and replied, "I would like to go to the sun."

 

The people from NASA replied, "why, don't you know that if you went to the sun you would burn to death?"

 

The blond smirked and put her hands on her hips. "Are you guys dumb? I'd go at night!"

Edited by mischief.managed
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- An Englishman, a Scotsman and a Welshman walk into a bar.

The barman says: What is this? Some kind of a joke?

 

- I forgot how to throw a boomerang but eventually it came back to me.

 

- My friends laughed when I said I would tell a joke...well they are not laughing now...

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