Weddings and their role in religion

[Karen]

I was reading a topic in the girls forum today aaaaaaaand I saw everyone who is engaged, married, etc, and I started thinking about it in terms of religion, and religious significance, etc.

 

So let's discuss, shall we?

 

I am Catholic at this moment right now, and if I want to marry within the Church, I need to a.)either marry someone who is also Catholic, or b.)They need to convert to Catholicism. For the most part. I've seen mixed weddings before, like between Jewish and Christian but I'm not sure if they were Catholic or a form of Protestant.

 

I do want to get married in a church when I am older. It doesn't matter to me what religious or non-religious person I marry, as long as I can get married in the church under the presence of God. It doesn't even matter to me if my partner feels it - but *I* need to feel it.

 

Some people don't even feel the need to get married. Although I would like to someday, if I end up being in a long term, stable relationship, hey, I'm happy with that.

 

I had a lot more to add onto this topic but I wanted to know all your thoughts on marriage.

Do you believe in it or no? Explain why or why not.

Does a marriage need to be in the presence of a god?

Does religion make marriage more successful?

Stuff like that.

[Lady Deadpool]

I do want to get married in a church when I am older. It doesn't matter to me what religious or non-religious person I marry, as long as I can get married in the church under the presence of God. It doesn't even matter to me if my partner feels it - but *I* need to feel it.

 

Some people don't even feel the need to get married. Although I would like to someday, if I end up being in a long term, stable relationship, hey, I'm happy with that.

Couldn't agree with you more. Marrying in a Church nowadays is like showing off. Everyone cares about how expensive and pretty the dress is, how many guests the Church fits, how many flowers, how many lights the dances the food. Everyone forgets that you're getting married in front of the eyes of God. Or maybe they don't care idk.

I feel the need to get married one day. Marriage for the majority of people is just a contract you know? But for me it's more than that. The vows you're taking are a promise to God Himself and you ask for his help in your life at that time. So for me it's really important to get married in a Church.

 

 

Does religion make marriage more successful?

Religion is a way of life, you keep trying for the best. Believing in God is a living "thing". It makes your entire life successful, so i guess it makes the marriage successful too. However many people who don't believe or haven't been married in Church have a successful marriage as well.

[Karen]

Couldn't agree with you more. Marrying in a Church nowadays is like showing off. Everyone cares about how expensive and pretty the dress is, how many guests the Church fits, how many flowers, how many lights the dances the food. Everyone forgets that you're getting married in front of the eyes of God. Or maybe they don't care idk.

I feel the need to get married one day. Marriage for the majority of people is just a contract you know? But for me it's more than that. The vows you're taking are a promise to God Himself and you ask for his help in your life at that time. So for me it's really important to get married in a Church.

 

 

 

Religion is a way of life, you keep trying for the best. Believing in God is a living "thing". It makes your entire life successful, so i guess it makes the marriage successful too. However many people who don't believe or haven't been married in Church have a successful marriage as well.

 

mmm I agree! Marriage really has become such a huge process and it stresses people out more than makes them successful! It really frustrates me that so many people just throw marriage away. Of course, essentially, when it is stripped down to the technicalities, it *is* just a piece of paper - but the idea, concept, of marriage is what people put into it and that doesn't necessarily need to be a legally binding contract.

[Emmas Friend]

Some people want to get married in church, others don't, its a matter of personal choice.

Either way, I think marriage is an important part of society. Two people have pledged to spend the rest of their lives together, thats a big committment. !

Some marriages last, others don't, for one reason or another.

 

What are peoples views on 'arranged' marriages, which some religions observe ?

[Karen]

Some people want to get married in church, others don't, its a matter of personal choice.

Either way, I think marriage is an important part of society. Two people have pledged to spend the rest of their lives together, thats a big committment. !

Some marriages last, others don't, for one reason or another.

 

What are peoples views on 'arranged' marriages, which some religions observe ?

 

Ive actually done some study on arranged marriages and it's been proven that they have a lower divorce rate then regular marriage and that more goes into picking a husband than what was done in the olden days; like just marrying for land or money.

 

Personally, I don't know how I'd do in an arranged marriage but then again, I don't have that as part of my culture or religon. But yeah, I'd love to hear some comments about arranged marriages!

[Arie]

Oh Lordy don't even get me started on arranged marriages. I could go on for hours!! It's huge in Judaism. Basically you have a shadchan, this is a women in the community who sets people up. She literally has files filled with people's information. When a girl decides she is ready she meats with the shaddchan and tells her her interests ect. Then the shadchan sets her up on different dates. They usually go out like for a month or so then get engaged. Now, that is really simplifying it. This whole thing is completely obsered. Girls and boys literally have checklists and things for who they want to date. Girls OBSESS over every tiny detail from their image to the date. boys have clear criteria, not too fat... Certain age. But, it really gets insane from here. They will ask questions such as, do you wear slip on shoes? (meaning you are lazy if you do). Does the girl wear a seatbelt (not modest if you do). And the list goes on and on. But, these couples hardly know each other and they are engaged after 3 dates!! It's crazy. Yes, sometimes you do find love at first site. But, too often it ends badly. Oh wow... I could go on for hours about this topic.

 

Oh and I am modern orthodox so I will NOT be doing this. This is mostly people who are extremely religious. They have to meet boys this way because it's immodestly for boys and girls to talk or hang out. It's intense lol.

[Lady Deadpool]

When a girl decides she is ready she meats with the shaddchan and tells her her interests ect. Then the shadchan sets her up on different dates. They usually go out like for a month or so then get engaged. Now, that is really simplifying it. This whole thing is completely obsered. Girls and boys literally have checklists and things for who they want to date. Girls OBSESS over every tiny detail from their image to the date. boys have clear criteria, not too fat... Certain age. But, it really gets insane from here. They will ask questions such as, do you wear slip on shoes? (meaning you are lazy if you do). Does the girl wear a seatbelt (not modest if you do). And the list goes on and on. But, these couples hardly know each other and they are engaged after 3 dates!! It's crazy. Yes, sometimes you do find love at first site. But, too often it ends badly. Oh wow... I could go on for hours about this topic.

That situation is a little better than the arranged marriage i had in my mind lol. At least here^ the couple can discuss about what they like and what they don't etc. In other cultures the woman -or the man- don't really have a say in all this. Just parents do. Sometimes the bride and groom haven't seen each other's faces until the wedding!! I think that's how things were done in KSA. Or in some parts of it.

 

I personally think that kind of arranged marriages don't really work out. It's too much pressure and well, most of the times, there's no love. Not always though, some of them are successful.

[Karen]

Oh Lordy don't even get me started on arranged marriages. I could go on for hours!! It's huge in Judaism. Basically you have a shadchan, this is a women in the community who sets people up. She literally has files filled with people's information. When a girl decides she is ready she meats with the shaddchan and tells her her interests ect. Then the shadchan sets her up on different dates. They usually go out like for a month or so then get engaged. Now, that is really simplifying it. This whole thing is completely obsered. Girls and boys literally have checklists and things for who they want to date. Girls OBSESS over every tiny detail from their image to the date. boys have clear criteria, not too fat... Certain age. But, it really gets insane from here. They will ask questions such as, do you wear slip on shoes? (meaning you are lazy if you do). Does the girl wear a seatbelt (not modest if you do). And the list goes on and on. But, these couples hardly know each other and they are engaged after 3 dates!! It's crazy. Yes, sometimes you do find love at first site. But, too often it ends badly. Oh wow... I could go on for hours about this topic.

 

Oh and I am modern orthodox so I will NOT be doing this. This is mostly people who are extremely religious. They have to meet boys this way because it's immodestly for boys and girls to talk or hang out. It's intense lol.

 

that does sound super intense! really interesting though. Arie, there is a movie you would probably love, it's called 'Arranged' and I found it on Hulu. I can give you the link if you want. Actually, this could be for anybody. It's about an orthodox Jewish girl and a Muslim girl who are substitute teachers in a public school in NYC and it's all about their developing friendship and their quest to find love through arranged marriages. It was SUCH a good movie!

[Arie]

@Dina. Use, in that sense these type of arranged marriages are better. But, the system had gotten to be so messed up that they aren't much better. Meaning. The boy and girl are so focused on their checklist and wants that they don't focus on each other. They go home and scrutinize every tiny detail instead of deciding if they actually feel for him. It's not much better. Although, at least they do get to talk a little before the wedding. I couldn't imagine not having a say in it. And, I agree... It seems like the arranged marriages that work out is luck. I mean, it really is a recipe for disaster. Of course, I do know people who are perfectly happy with it. But I am not, idk... I guess I just don't get it lol.

 

@Karen. I love that movie!!!!! I highly recommend it! That movie explains everything wonderfully and puts it all perspective! I was thinking of it the whole time I wrote that post haha. You should definitely watch it! I would love to hear and outsiders opinion on it!!!

[Karen]

I absolutely love that movie!!! It's so great to see the different cultures and I would recommend it to anybody! It was such a great movie and it really focused on the differences between cultures and how two young women overcame them while strengthening their bond and becoming in touch with their cultures as well

[Arie]

I absolutely love that movie!!! It's so great to see the different cultures and I would recommend it to anybody! It was such a great movie and it really focused on the differences between cultures and how two young women overcame them while strengthening their bond and becoming in touch with their cultures as well

 

I totally agree!! I loved it! And I felt it was very true and perceived both sides very well.

[Karen]

It was really fascinating for me to see the process that young orthodox jewish girls go through, especially meeting with someone to determine who they'd be right for. I don't really see it as an arranged thing; it's more like a personal dating service from what I can see, lol.

 

Arie, just curious, did you go through a shadchan or did you meet your fiance yourself? It would be really cool to hear how the marriage worked for you personally, if you don't mind sharing.

[Arie]

It was really fascinating for me to see the process that young orthodox jewish girls go through, especially meeting with someone to determine who they'd be right for. I don't really see it as an arranged thing; it's more like a personal dating service from what I can see, lol.

 

Arie, just curious, did you go through a shadchan or did you meet your fiance yourself? It would be really cool to hear how the marriage worked for you personally, if you don't mind sharing.

 

Yeah. It's so interesting for me too see it through someone else's eyes. I am so used to it that I forget how weird it is lol. I love hearing your opinion on everythng! Plus you are so open minded and it really makes me feel great! So thanks a lot!

 

Nah, I knew him for years. I am modern orthodox so I don't do all of that stuff lol. I will meet someone on my own way just like anyone else. However, the marriage ceremony itself will be quite different. Well, and I will only marry a Jew. Then with marriage I will cover my hair and such.

[Karen]

Yeah. It's so interesting for me too see it through someone else's eyes. I am so used to it that I forget how weird it is lol. I love hearing your opinion on everythng! Plus you are so open minded and it really makes me feel great! So thanks a lot!

 

Nah, I knew him for years. I am modern orthodox so I don't do all of that stuff lol. I will meet someone on my own way just like anyone else. However, the marriage ceremony itself will be quite different. Well, and I will only marry a Jew. Then with marriage I will cover my hair and such.

 

That is so cool arie. Once, I went to a jewish catholic wedding mix when I was younger and I don't remember much, but I remember that they smashed a champagne bottle and at the reception I danced with the rabbi, whom was a woman. I remember she had really jangly bracelets! I thought it was so cool that the rabbi was a woman, because we can't have women priests in catholicism.

 

I hope you post pics of your wedding arie! I'm sure we'd all love to see them

[Arie]

That is so cool arie. Once, I went to a jewish catholic wedding mix when I was younger and I don't remember much, but I remember that they smashed a champagne bottle and at the reception I danced with the rabbi, whom was a woman. I remember she had really jangly bracelets! I thought it was so cool that the rabbi was a woman, because we can't have women priests in catholicism.

 

I hope you post pics of your wedding arie! I'm sure we'd all love to see them

 

Hahaha that's sounds like a blast! Well, I feel bad telling you this, but really only reform Jews believe women can be rabbis. I also don't hold that women can be rabbis. But, the awesome thing is their has been a few other jobs created for women to be leaders among the jewish community. So even though we can't be rabbis, there is another option.

[Karen]

Hahaha that's sounds like a blast! Well, I feel bad telling you this, but really only reform Jews believe women can be rabbis. I also don't hold that women can be rabbis. But, the awesome thing is their has been a few other jobs created for women to be leaders among the jewish community. So even though we can't be rabbis, there is another option.

 

Yeah, I mean, I've never understood the prohibition of women as religious leaders, it really frustrates me sometimes because I feel that women not only should have that opportunity, but can be just as holy as men. It's all about the ancient mentality of women being inferior and unholy and all of that. It ticks me off a lot :/

[Bagel of Death]

I was raised Catholic, but became Agnostic. Religion isn't a factor for who I want to marry, to be honest. As long as he is loving and faithful (and can keep a damn job ), that's good enough for me. People make a marriage strong and viable, not religion. It's true that some people use religious tenats as a marriage guide. And that's ok. But certainly there is no religious law, religious book, or religious person who can guide two people in their marriage. Only the couple themselves know what they want from themselves and from each other. Only they can produce a successful marriage. Everything else is just "decoration".

[Karen]

I was raised Catholic, but became Agnostic. Religion isn't a factor for who I want to marry, to be honest. As long as he is loving and faithful (and can keep a damn job ), that's good enough for me. People make a marriage strong and viable, not religion. It's true that some people use religious tenats as a marriage guide. And that's ok. But certainly there is no religious law, religious book, or religious person who can guide two people in their marriage. Only the couple themselves know what they want from themselves and from each other. Only they can produce a successful marriage. Everything else is just "decoration".

 

People are people, no matter what. Religion can definitely play a part in some things, though. Some people who are really religious are more hesitant to get a divorce because it's a sin or whatever. This can be a good and bad thing - on one level it can make some couples work harder, but if there's something bad like abuse going on, it can be an issue.