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Being in your 20s


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I have a thought that has crossed my mind several times the last one-two year(s), and it is one about my age. I'm now 21 and have a feeling that this age is much more difficult than when I was, for example, 14. Everybody always speaks of puberty being such a difficult age; I feel that the difficult part only just started. I think it depends on where you live and under what circumstances. I never was a very tough puber to begin with, but I only now realise that though my life wasn't easy at some points, I had really few things to worry about. I now live on my own, my studies in university fly by (with a bit of luck I'll have my diploma next year) and everyone expects me to make big choices in my life for which I feel I'm just not completely ready. Anyone else who has experienced this? I'm just curious :).

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I am also 21! but, I think these are actually THE best times of our lives. I too am on my own and in College, but I am also working and starting to get my name out there. I am having the best time. I love being treated as an adult but still being of an age where I can go out and have fun.  I guess I was ready though. You'll get there!!! But, don't push yourself... we are all ready at different times.

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Lol it's funny how you compare 14 and 21, 21 when you're completely legal and everything lies on your shoulders. I think every age is good for sth, Im not 21 yet, don't wanna be yet but the older you get the more difficulties you face but also things that are appropriate for that age. As they say xD at 21 you can do everything you did at 14 but legally. At my age I enjoy being called an adult and treated like one. But sometimes everyone expects too much from you and there's a lot of responsibility. So just enjoy what the age brings. :) there are always good and bad points.

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Enjoy your university years while you can. Once you're out in the real world, every day is all the same. I don't want to say that I don't look forward to tomorrow, though. It's just to me so far events have been less than exciting as compared to when I was younger. Right now the major milestones I see are no longer going to senior prom, turning legal (twice), graduating (twice), etc. but rather getting a job, getting that promotion, finding a spouse, having children, etc. When the latter of these will occur are more unpredictable and more spread out compared to teenage and young adult years. My friends I hang out with most often are already in their mid to late 20's, they've finally convinced themselves that excitement of the younger years are now behind them and have embraced the "real world". I'm going into that phase now. Still these are my opinions, yours may not be so pessimistic.

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It's a universal truth that when you're a child you wanna be an adult and when you're an adult (most of the people--not me) wanna go back to those carefree years of being a child. As for me I believe that being a teenager is x10 more difficult than being an adult. You deal with so many things unknown to you. Freaking hormones, you don't know yourself yet, you feel like you don't fit in, so many things you want to do and so many restrictions. Granted you're not as responsible as an adult, but frankly that's one of the best things of being a grown up. Your own work, your own responsibilities, you get to know the world and yourself. Yes it's hard, but you're way more mature and strong than what a kid/teenager is.

 

Each age has their ups and downs. When you have to face big changes, I find it that you're never gonna be ready even if you're like 50y old. But you have a way different mentality.

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i am 27 and i still have no freakin' clue what i want, after 12 years of  k-12 school, 4 years in the US Navy, two years in community college, and about six odd jobs, none of which i liked, including the one now. i'm like a dog chasing a car, and when i finally catch it, what the hell do i do with it?!  lolz :rolleye0012:

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I think being a teenager feels like the worst thing in the world. Everything is a big deal when it really isn't. I look at one of my younger cousins now and she is going through a lot of the stuff I did, with a lot of the same anxiety. And I want to be like "calm down, this is not a big deal in the long run." But of course teenagers never listen, and in a way I think that's a good thing because people need those experiences to figure out who they are.

 

In your twenties, the problem is that you're STILL figuring out who you are (I do this by looking back on my teenaged self a lot and seeing how her values and attitudes have changed), but now things suddenly count for something. When you're a teenager having a bad day, you can blow off all your responsibilities for a day or two and just deal with your angst. Suddenly in your twenties you have jobs, bills and responsibilities. 

 

Like The Midnight Q said, there are these spaced out and vague milestones that there is a lot more pressure to hit as you get into your mid-twenties: graduate from university, get a grown up job, buy a house, find a person to settle down with, etc. I was well on my way down that path, when I realized that's not what I want. So I've decided to move to a new country and see what it's like to live somewhere else before I decide where in the world I want to live, and how I want to build my life.

 

Now, I know that is not practical for everyone, and I'm not suggesting everyone get up and drastically change their lives. But sometimes I feel we're stil living under our parents' rules in a world that is incredibly different from the one our parents' grew up in. Some of the options presented to me seem as absurd as if you'd handed me two sticks to make a fire when matches are readily available (I am so good an analogies). The "ideal lifestyle" of working, owning a house and being married with 2.5 children by the age of 25 seems quite dated to me (especially when you factor in things like university), like this has been the standard we hold ourselves to in order to determine our success for at least one hundred years (or, in the case of females who work outside of the home, closer to 60) and I think it's time for a bit of a revamp. And the 20-somethings of today should be at the helm.

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I am also 21! but, I think these are actually THE best times of our lives. I too am on my own and in College, but I am also working and starting to get my name out there. I am having the best time. I love being treated as an adult but still being of an age where I can go out and have fun.  I guess I was ready though. You'll get there!!! But, don't push yourself... we are all ready at different times.

 

Haha yeah should've said that, I love it too at the same time. I love being independent and living on my own :). It's not really that I want to go back, it's more that for myself it feels like the responsibility and the obligatory choices make me feel insecure at times...:unsure:

Lol it's funny how you compare 14 and 21, 21 when you're completely legal and everything lies on your shoulders. I think every age is good for sth, Im not 21 yet, don't wanna be yet but the older you get the more difficulties you face but also things that are appropriate for that age. As they say xD at 21 you can do everything you did at 14 but legally. At my age I enjoy being called an adult and treated like one. But sometimes everyone expects too much from you and there's a lot of responsibility. So just enjoy what the age brings. :) there are always good and bad points.

 

14 was just random, haha. I guess you're very right :). It's unbelievable how time flies.

Enjoy your university years while you can. Once you're out in the real world, every day is all the same. I don't want to say that I don't look forward to tomorrow, though. It's just to me so far events have been less than exciting as compared to when I was younger. Right now the major milestones I see are no longer going to senior prom, turning legal (twice), graduating (twice), etc. but rather getting a job, getting that promotion, finding a spouse, having children, etc. When the latter of these will occur are more unpredictable and more spread out compared to teenage and young adult years. My friends I hang out with most often are already in their mid to late 20's, they've finally convinced themselves that excitement of the younger years are now behind them and have embraced the "real world". I'm going into that phase now. Still these are my opinions, yours may not be so pessimistic.

 

That's something I hear every day: enjoy being a student while you still can. It seems very true, and I love being one and being free. What makes it difficult though, is that in this country students are tried very much by the government; savings, extra costs for picking up second studies, cuts of student grant...I understand we all have to hand in something in periods of crisis, but it does make you feel less positive on dreams you have for the future...like my dream to go to conservatory after university to become a classical singer :).

It's a universal truth that when you're a child you wanna be an adult and when you're an adult (most of the people--not me) wanna go back to those carefree years of being a child. As for me I believe that being a teenager is x10 more difficult than being an adult. You deal with so many things unknown to you. Freaking hormones, you don't know yourself yet, you feel like you don't fit in, so many things you want to do and so many restrictions. Granted you're not as responsible as an adult, but frankly that's one of the best things of being a grown up. Your own work, your own responsibilities, you get to know the world and yourself. Yes it's hard, but you're way more mature and strong than what a kid/teenager is.

 

Each age has their ups and downs. When you have to face big changes, I find it that you're never gonna be ready even if you're like 50y old. But you have a way different mentality.

 

I like what you said there. There is something at every point in your life that is difficult. Maybe I should realise that more :)

i am 27 and i still have no freakin' clue what i want, after 12 years of  k-12 school, 4 years in the US Navy, two years in community college, and about six odd jobs, none of which i liked, including the one now. i'm like a dog chasing a car, and when i finally catch it, what the hell do i do with it?!  lolz :rolleye0012:

Maybe most of us will never know. Life's too short after all! :o

 

I think being a teenager feels like the worst thing in the world. Everything is a big deal when it really isn't. I look at one of my younger cousins now and she is going through a lot of the stuff I did, with a lot of the same anxiety. And I want to be like "calm down, this is not a big deal in the long run." But of course teenagers never listen, and in a way I think that's a good thing because people need those experiences to figure out who they are.

 

In your twenties, the problem is that you're STILL figuring out who you are (I do this by looking back on my teenaged self a lot and seeing how her values and attitudes have changed), but now things suddenly count for something. When you're a teenager having a bad day, you can blow off all your responsibilities for a day or two and just deal with your angst. Suddenly in your twenties you have jobs, bills and responsibilities. 

 

Like The Midnight Q said, there are these spaced out and vague milestones that there is a lot more pressure to hit as you get into your mid-twenties: graduate from university, get a grown up job, buy a house, find a person to settle down with, etc. I was well on my way down that path, when I realized that's not what I want. So I've decided to move to a new country and see what it's like to live somewhere else before I decide where in the world I want to live, and how I want to build my life.

 

Now, I know that is not practical for everyone, and I'm not suggesting everyone get up and drastically change their lives. But sometimes I feel we're stil living under our parents' rules in a world that is incredibly different from the one our parents' grew up in. Some of the options presented to me seem as absurd as if you'd handed me two sticks to make a fire when matches are readily available (I am so good an analogies). The "ideal lifestyle" of working, owning a house and being married with 2.5 children by the age of 25 seems quite dated to me (especially when you factor in things like university), like this has been the standard we hold ourselves to in order to determine our success for at least one hundred years (or, in the case of females who work outside of the home, closer to 60) and I think it's time for a bit of a revamp. And the 20-somethings of today should be at the helm.

I agree very much with you. About changing things drastically in life: I feel an inside voice screaming at some points: 'Why don't you just follow your dream...do try to get into conservatory!' And there's this other voice: 'Yeah but you know...money...do you have enough talent..' I think we all know what kind of voices I mean. I was just dazzled when I realised I'll probably be 22 or 23 when I'll have finised my studies at university.

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You know what thought rly bugs me sometimes. Who am I? where am I going? what have I done and reached for my age? what is everything for? I'm so old and still haven't reached this and that. Those thoughts are rly depressing.

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You know, what I kind of did was... Well, I am a very visual person. So I made a chart of things that were important to me... values, goals, people, places and kind of laid it all out. From there I was able to pick out the things I wanted to make a priority. For example, I love to travel but it's hard to get out of Canada on short trips since everything is so far. So that was a problem. Then I made it up to me to find a solution... i.e. why not move closer to the places I'd like to visit? From then I found out what I had to do to make that happen. It was very systematic. I think we get caught in this idea of WHO AM I? WHAT DOES IT ALL MEAN? And it is INCREDIBLY overwhelming. I think what we need to look at is who am I RIGHT NOW. What's important to me now, not 15 years down the road. And you kind of need to break it into bite-sized chunks and work things out one step at a time.

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I have a thought that has crossed my mind several times the last one-two year(s), and it is one about my age. I'm now 21 and have a feeling that this age is much more difficult than when I was, for example, 14. Everybody always speaks of puberty being such a difficult age; I feel that the difficult part only just started. I think it depends on where you live and under what circumstances. I never was a very tough puber to begin with, but I only now realise that though my life wasn't easy at some points, I had really few things to worry about. I now live on my own, my studies in university fly by (with a bit of luck I'll have my diploma next year) and everyone expects me to make big choices in my life for which I feel I'm just not completely ready. Anyone else who has experienced this? I'm just curious :).

 

I think this is such an interesting topic you raise. I believe experiences are different for everyone according to their circumstances. I had some tough teenage years and was generally different from a lot of my peers. Circumstances were such that I had never given myself the time to experiment and socialize with friends because of the complexity of familial issues I was dealing with.

 

I'm in my twenties now and I can partially relate to how you feel. I think what I confront now are different issues and complexity with personal relationships. I have been able to approach both my past and my current life with a broader perspective, deeper understanding, and larger appreciation. I have been independent for a while, and university does fly by for me as well, but as a result I have always expected myself to have to make big choices in my life. I can understand, though, the apprehension before making an important decision since I certainly cannot predict absolute outcomes. The beauty of it is, I'm starting to realize, is that no matter what decision I make there is always something valuable to be learned.

 

And, I think that's the huge difference between where I am at now and where I was as a teenager. I have gained the ability to assess my past with more consideration and from a more compassionate standpoint. I won't venture to say, though, that being in my 20's is significantly easier. It's just a different kind of challenge--one that I welcome much more.

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I think this is such an interesting topic you raise. I believe experiences are different for everyone according to their circumstances. I had some tough teenage years and was generally different from a lot of my peers. Circumstances were such that I had never given myself the time to experiment and socialize with friends because of the complexity of familial issues I was dealing with.

 

I'm in my twenties now and I can partially relate to how you feel. I think what I confront now are different issues and complexity with personal relationships. I have been able to approach both my past and my current life with a broader perspective, deeper understanding, and larger appreciation. I have been independent for a while, and university does fly by for me as well, but as a result I have always expected myself to have to make big choices in my life. I can understand, though, the apprehension before making an important decision since I certainly cannot predict absolute outcomes. The beauty of it is, I'm starting to realize, is that no matter what decision I make there is always something valuable to be learned.

 

And, I think that's the huge difference between where I am at now and where I was as a teenager. I have gained the ability to assess my past with more consideration and from a more compassionate standpoint. I won't venture to say, though, that being in my 20's is significantly easier. It's just a different kind of challenge--one that I welcome much more.

I think that's something I shoud realise more myself: that from every point in life, every step we take, there is something to be learned. The biggest part of how I feel has to do with a process...a friend pointed that out to me yesterday. I hadn't realised that it is. For me, I think, it is part of growing up. I am 21, and recently someone said: 'wow, you're only 21?' And that's when I realised that is actually really young. 

Thank you for your words, they really do help :).

You know, what I kind of did was... Well, I am a very visual person. So I made a chart of things that were important to me... values, goals, people, places and kind of laid it all out. From there I was able to pick out the things I wanted to make a priority. For example, I love to travel but it's hard to get out of Canada on short trips since everything is so far. So that was a problem. Then I made it up to me to find a solution... i.e. why not move closer to the places I'd like to visit? From then I found out what I had to do to make that happen. It was very systematic. I think we get caught in this idea of WHO AM I? WHAT DOES IT ALL MEAN? And it is INCREDIBLY overwhelming. I think what we need to look at is who am I RIGHT NOW. What's important to me now, not 15 years down the road. And you kind of need to break it into bite-sized chunks and work things out one step at a time.

That sounds great. I think I need this approach too; what are the things in my life RIGHT NOW that I want to change or want to keep the same? What can I do at this point to make things happen or change?

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I was 20 once.

 

 

It was awful

 

LMAO

Being twice that old is no guarantee that things will be better.

Being young is always better, it leaves more options open.

And not knowing where to go is still better than realizing you have gone in the wrong direction.

:ph34r:

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Being young is always better, it leaves more options open.

And not knowing where to go is still better than realizing you have gone in the wrong direction.

:ph34r:

Oh plz.

 

When I was 20 I was very... idealistic, to put it mildly. In fact I can't quite comprehend all the crap I used to believe in/ dwell on. It's almost as if a veil has been lifted from my mind.

 

Youth is the age of energy. It's not the age of reason (isn't that the source of all poetry?). Though I wouldn't even say I've become much more reasonable; I've simply become calmer. Which is an advantage to me in a lot of situations. Among other things, now I can take every day as it comes. Enjoy myself for an hour, no matter what else is coming up or welling up inside my head.

The funny thing is, I even used to think about death more when I was younger, usually in one of these forms: "I'd rather die than [X]", "I would die for [Y]" and "I hope I don't die before [Z]".

 

I'm sure I'll miss being 20 once I'm old and senile enough to have forgotten all the downsides though.

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  • 3 weeks later...

You know, what I kind of did was... Well, I am a very visual person. So I made a chart of things that were important to me... values, goals, people, places and kind of laid it all out. From there I was able to pick out the things I wanted to make a priority. For example, I love to travel but it's hard to get out of Canada on short trips since everything is so far. So that was a problem. Then I made it up to me to find a solution... i.e. why not move closer to the places I'd like to visit? From then I found out what I had to do to make that happen. It was very systematic. I think we get caught in this idea of WHO AM I? WHAT DOES IT ALL MEAN? And it is INCREDIBLY overwhelming. I think what we need to look at is who am I RIGHT NOW. What's important to me now, not 15 years down the road. And you kind of need to break it into bite-sized chunks and work things out one step at a time.

 

 

That sounds great. I think I need this approach too; what are the things in my life RIGHT NOW that I want to change or want to keep the same? What can I do at this point to make things happen or change?

 

That's good indeed. But as for me when I set the goals and even make plans to reach them, I fail or give up, cause I'm naturally very irresolute. As soon as I lose motivation I drop everything. Like in the beginning of the year as everyone else, I had so many plans to go to travel, to change things, to improve myself in all ways, to work, to be just happy, I drew things in my head, visualized them (as I believe in the Attraction Law) but now it's july and nothing happened -.- Yes I did go to the Migration Service a few times and they didn't accept my documents and I was like "ugh." Besides I lost motivation, which was high back then. I did find a job (actually the job found me and I'm super thankful for that)

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I am 21 as well, living on my own and studying at university. I really enjoy it, making your own decisions that will impact your life in all kinds of ways. Looking back makes you wonder what you were worrying about when you were still a teenager.

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