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I'm Writing A Screenplay


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Poll: How do you like it

How do you like the screenplay?

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Do you have ideas to better the screenplay?

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#21 ckravitz

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Posted 04 January 2011 - 08:37 PM

After 3 feet of snow, two class project, school coming back alive after winter break, and an internet outage, I finally have the next scene done. However, I will not be publishing it yet because of the following reasons:
  • The next few scenes that precede this cluster of scenes are important to the characterization between James Myer and Alex Sanders.
  • You will probably have many questions, and they are answered in the next few scenes. One question (probably the biggest one) will be answered during the "park scene."
  • It isn't worth publishing yet because it would only be about 5 pages long, and it is (in my opinion) incomplete without the next scenes to go along with it.
I posted this little update just to let you guys know that I am still working on the script. I know that nobody has read "The Meeting" yet (based on page views), so I know that nobody is eagerly awaiting the next scenes. However, I will assume that most of you have abandoned reading the screenplay for reasons of "bore." And, I don't blame you. It is a little - ok, very - boring. However (I've used this word a lot recently. I think it should become by slogan :P ), the next scenes are where the action starts,* and where the true meaning of the film finally begins to take effect. So, if you stopped reading the screenplay, than I ask you to please read the next scenes and the ones following it (up until the end).

I won't be telling you a release date, for as you know I haven't really kept my word to it :D . However, I will say expect it very soon.

Thanks!

*In case you guys didn't see, I posted a notice saying that I revised the scenes after "The Meeting." What changed? Well, now there is drama (thanks to Emm@ and Luna Ann Potter!), and with the new dialogue and scenes I came up with the viewer will be able to guess on what happens next. They will actually want to see what happens next, and not be thinking "when will this end." There are also many other bonuses that I will not say thanks to the addition of "drama."

Sisters: Jade, Kimberley, Ellen, Stef, Sarah Brothers: Ardi


#22 Luna Ann Potter

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Posted 04 January 2011 - 09:14 PM

The link of "The Meeting" isn't working.

#23 ckravitz

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Posted 05 January 2011 - 12:51 AM

The link of "The Meeting" isn't working.


:huh: What happens when you click it? Does an error message come up, or does it never load?

Sisters: Jade, Kimberley, Ellen, Stef, Sarah Brothers: Ardi


#24 ckravitz

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Posted 05 January 2011 - 03:08 AM

I just finished my goal :) . I just uploaded a "combined document" that holds both "The Meeting" and what I like to call "The First Date" and "Afterwards." In total, 16 pages and 3,452 words. The next scene will be the park, but I am still deciding to make it a few days to a couple months later.

Before you go and read, here is a question I want you to answer after you finish reading. Post it here:

  • Has the antagonist been shown yet? If yes, explain who or what it is.

Also, the "one-liner" a few posts above is obsolete.

Tell me your feedback here, or leave a comment on the document!

Thanks!


Link

Sisters: Jade, Kimberley, Ellen, Stef, Sarah Brothers: Ardi


#25 no stalking

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Posted 19 January 2011 - 09:22 AM

i think the screenplay is very boring. i suggest the writer watch more movies to get more ideas on how to construct dialogue.

#26 no stalking

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Posted 19 January 2011 - 09:42 AM

you really do know alot about me.

#27 ckravitz

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Posted 19 January 2011 - 12:01 PM

i think the screenplay is very boring. i suggest the writer watch more movies to get more ideas on how to construct dialogue.

The dialogue represents the speaking character's personality, and was written correctly. The way they speak will not change. If that is your only pet peeve about the screenplay, then, now with the new knowledge, trying reading a few scenes again. Try and feel how the character feels; put yourself in his/her shoes. If there are other reasons why you don't like the script, then let me here and I'll either explain why it is there, or I'll fix the problem if it is needed.

Sisters: Jade, Kimberley, Ellen, Stef, Sarah Brothers: Ardi


#28 The Dude

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Posted 19 January 2011 - 06:57 PM

Kravitz,

I've looked over some of your stuff earlier but have not had a chance to look at your revised documents and ideas and haven't really had a chance to look as deeply as I would want to. That being said, don't get caught up on needing 'action' or more dramatic conflict. It has to flow naturally otherwise it'll feel forced.

That's not to say that you shouldn't do rewrites until you get it right. Just look at Star Wars. There's documents readily available on the Internet and you can see over several drafts and story treatments the changes that were made and how George Lucas' story ended up being quite different from what he started.

But what I'm saying is, don't put in action or conflict just for the sake of action. Sometimes films like this are just character studies. There doesn't have to be some large overarching goal, development, growth, plot etc. Look at films like Up In The Air or About Schmidt. Not a lot happens in these movies but it doesn't mean they aren't good. I liked Up In The Air but wasn't so crazy about About Schmidt.

#29 ckravitz

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Posted 19 January 2011 - 07:46 PM

Kravitz,

I've looked over some of your stuff earlier but have not had a chance to look at your revised documents and ideas and haven't really had a chance to look as deeply as I would want to. That being said, don't get caught up on needing 'action' or more dramatic conflict. It has to flow naturally otherwise it'll feel forced.

That's not to say that you shouldn't do rewrites until you get it right. Just look at Star Wars. There's documents readily available on the Internet and you can see over several drafts and story treatments the changes that were made and how George Lucas' story ended up being quite different from what he started.

But what I'm saying is, don't put in action or conflict just for the sake of action. Sometimes films like this are just character studies. There doesn't have to be some large overarching goal, development, growth, plot etc. Look at films like Up In The Air or About Schmidt. Not a lot happens in these movies but it doesn't mean they aren't good. I liked Up In The Air but wasn't so crazy about About Schmidt.


You summed up everything I've been trying to say but couldn't put into words. What you say here is exactly what I've been trying to state to people asking for more action, and I'm happy that it is now answered by someone who knows their stuff.

I do have to say, however, that something was missing from the story, something to make it flow and keep the viewers attention. I needed that foreshadowing aspect which I thought of thanks to the helpful people who commented here. So, when people started telling me I needed action, they were correct, in the way I interpreted it: I needed something to grab the reader's attention, something that will allow for people to have to think and ask "why."

The "action" is very subtle in the script: a rainy day on an important day, a man steals a wallet, etc. However, what these little things do is foreshadow up to the end, which will be shocking. Also, I formatted these "actions" to happen, and then is masked by an entirely new thing. For example:

Spoiler


Thank you so much for commenting; I really respect your opinion, and I hope that you will be able to put yourself in the characters' shoes and think about what may go on in the character's mind. Personally, I have to say that the most mysterious character is James, so I recommend thinking about things from his perspective to try and grasp why he does this, and why he does that. Again, thank you for commenting and I hope to hear from you soon.

Sisters: Jade, Kimberley, Ellen, Stef, Sarah Brothers: Ardi


#30 ckravitz

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Posted 20 January 2011 - 03:32 AM

UPDATE

I just published a website where all the links for the documents will be from now on. I will still post updates here, but you must go to the website to view the document.
http://web.me.com/chandler.k1223/Screenplay/Welcome.html

If you have any questions, comments, or concerns please PM me, post a question here, or respond to a blog post in the "blog" section.

Sisters: Jade, Kimberley, Ellen, Stef, Sarah Brothers: Ardi


#31 NT1

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Posted 23 January 2011 - 08:51 PM

Well I just read the entire script (that is on the website).

I really had to force myself through the beginning but it got easier a little later on.

Saw a name switch in the phone coversation with Jeffrey (I think). Might want to check that.

Anyway I want to read the entire (finished) thing before giving any sort of opinion about the story as I dont know how things will progress further. And typing on an iPhone sucks ;)
But let me say it like this: I want to read more, Now!

I wanted to type something else, but I can't remember what.

#32 ckravitz

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Posted 24 January 2011 - 12:45 AM

Well I just read the entire script (that is on the website).

I really had to force myself through the beginning but it got easier a little later on.

Saw a name switch in the phone coversation with Jeffrey (I think). Might want to check that.

Anyway I want to read the entire (finished) thing before giving any sort of opinion about the story as I dont know how things will progress further. And typing on an iPhone sucks ;)
But let me say it like this: I want to read more, Now!

I wanted to type something else, but I can't remember what.

First, thank you very much! Second, that's exactly how I feel about the script as well. The beginning is a little rocky, but once Emma Reid is introduced one can sort of deal with it more. And then, at the premiere, the script goes into a nice flow all the way until the end.

I agree, I hate typing long passages on the iPhone :P. Thank you for going through the ordeal to post here though :). Also, thank you for telling me about the error during the phone conversation. I'll fix it in a few seconds.

To be honest, I haven't worked on the screenplay much since my entry. It won't take me to long to write more though; I usually can finish an entire sequence of scenes in a day since I know exactly what I want to do. I'll try to write more tonight and get it published sometime later this week.

Once again thank you and if you remember what you wanted to write you're welcome to post it here, on the website, or PM me.

Sisters: Jade, Kimberley, Ellen, Stef, Sarah Brothers: Ardi


#33 JerryRiddle

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Posted 25 January 2011 - 05:36 PM

i think the screenplay is very boring. i suggest the writer watch more movies to get more ideas on how to construct dialogue.


It is not that bad.

#34 Lil Saint

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Posted 26 January 2011 - 12:53 AM

I've not finished reading the whole script but I'm loving it.

Wonderful Job, Chandler!

#35 ckravitz

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Posted 26 January 2011 - 01:04 AM

I've not finished reading the whole script but I'm loving it.

Wonderful Job, Chandler!

Thanks Mike :)

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#36 tabitoo

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Posted 31 January 2011 - 01:57 AM

Just read Truman Capote's "Breakfast at Tiffany's". The book is almost nothing like the film. Love the book very much. I wish someone would make a remake but follow the original more complex story. Maybe even give the film a different title but let it be known it's Capote's Breakfast at Tiffany's. Finally Hollywood has learned that films do best when they follow close to the original story. Emma could play Holly. It would be awsome. In the book "the real story". Holly is a callgirl or what now we would call an escort and she is befriended by her neighbor in a NY apartment building and he is surely gay but he kind of falls in love with Holly in a friendship kind of way but a little bit more because he gets jealous of her boyfriends the ones she intends to marry anyway. It's a very complex story and a lot more gritty than the original film shows seeing how it took place in the 50's. I think they should make a modern day and follow Capote's story with the mofia, the arrest, the losing the baby, the loss of love when the man Holly loves dumps her when she's arrested and she really did allow herself to love him, then there's all these men in Love with Holly but could never have her. Even the men in her life that aren't with Holly in a physical sense are in Love with her. Like the main character whom seems like Capote whom discovers how smart and vulnerable she really is. Even the bartender who says he wouldn't touch her but he wants to and is evidently in love with her. Audrey Hepburn played the original and even Emma's dad compared her to Audrey. McCaulay Culkin could play Capote or Frank or George or whatever the dudes name is. Now someone just needs to write the screenplay.LOL

#37 ckravitz

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Posted 04 February 2011 - 11:57 PM

UPDATE

An unfortunately small update, I have changed around the website by changing the template to something much easier to see. I also combined the Screenplay page and the About Me page into one, and added [and simplified the] information in the "About Me" page.

I've been sick all week (specifically a sinus infection), so I haven't done a lot of work on the screenplay.

Here is the new link, and it is also on my signature: http://web.me.com/ch...er/Welcome.html

Sisters: Jade, Kimberley, Ellen, Stef, Sarah Brothers: Ardi





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